Becs' Brain Musings
A change will do you good - I hope.
Pivoting Careers in Your Late 30s and Early 40s: The Challenges, Excitement, and Lessons Learned
For years, I thought I had my career all figured out. I’d climbed the ladder, built my reputation, and carved out a comfortable little niche for myself. But somewhere along the way, a nagging feeling began to take root. It was subtle at first—a little voice in the back of my mind asking, “Is this really what you want to do for the rest of your life?” As I inched towards my late 30s, that voice was further impacted by having a young family on one side of the world, and parents and siblings on the other. Throw a pandemic in there, and it was enough to prompt some big thinking about hairy big audacious goals and how to go about achieving them.
So, I did something both thrilling and terrifying: I pivoted. I stepped off the well-worn path I’d spent years navigating and threw myself into the unknown. (And in my case, I not only changed careers and companies – I also switched continents!)
Changing careers in your late 30s or early 40s isn’t something people talk about enough. It’s a leap of faith, especially when you’ve spent decades building a foundation in one field. The idea of starting over can feel daunting, even impractical. And it would be dishonest of me to say that I haven’t had moments of ‘what the f$@k have I done.’
But it’s also been exhilarating. I’ve learnt a lot – both in terms of upskilling, and what I want (and don’t want!) from a new job and skillset. I’ve had to adapt and dig deep. I’ve had to try and rewire my brain from ingrained habits and patterns. But it’s been rewarding in so many ways.
If you’re considering making a career pivot, here are the lessons I’ve learned, both the hard way and the rewarding way, to help you along the journey.
The Challenges of Changing Careers Mid-Life
Fear of Starting Over
There’s something humbling about being skilled and experienced in one field, only to become a beginner in another. You go from knowing the ins and outs of your job like the back of your hand to feeling unsure, overwhelmed, and maybe even a little bit foolish. The fear of failure is real. You might find yourself asking, “What if I’m too old to learn something new?” or “What if I’m making a massive mistake?” And especially for women (and even more so for neuro-spicy women), the imposter syndrome feeling can strike you.
The key is understanding that everyone starts somewhere. Yes, you’re taking a step back, but you’re also bringing a wealth of experience that you didn’t have when you were starting out in your first career. The hard part is letting go of the need to have it all figured out from day one.
Financial Uncertainty
Changing careers often means a temporary hit to your finances, especially if you’re moving into a completely different industry or starting at a lower level. To be candid, we dropped our salaries by about 65% to move jobs (and yes, writing that even now makes me take a sharp little breath, and think ‘W.T.A.F were you thinking?!)
If you’re used to a certain standard of living or have financial commitments — mortgages, children, savings goals — this can be a major stressor. You might have to retrain, take on internships, or even accept an entry-level position, which can be financially humbling. We had to make some shifts, some of them have impacted the ego a bit.
But remember, investing in yourself now could lead to greater rewards later. Plan ahead. Save what you can, and be realistic about the potential temporary drop in income. You’re not just shifting careers — you’re investing in long-term fulfilment and growth.
Identity and Confidence
For many of us, our jobs are a huge part of who we are. Stepping away from a career where you’re respected and knowledgeable can feel like shedding a skin. “Who am I without this job title?” you might wonder. You might also face the inevitable questioning from others: “Why would you leave a stable career at your age?” I have felt all the feelings about my sense of identity since becoming a mum five years ago, and my identity as a professional helped me feel at least connected to my ‘old’ pre-mum identity. Letting that go was a HUGE and terrifying release.
But remember, growth often requires discomfort. You’re not losing your identity; you’re expanding it. You’re gaining new skills and opening yourself up to new possibilities. Confidence will come with time — trust the process.
The Excitement of a Fresh Start
Despite the challenges, there’s something exhilarating about stepping into a new world.
Rediscovering Your Passion
Changing careers often means you’ve chosen to follow a passion or interest that perhaps you ignored or pushed aside earlier in life. There’s a wonderful sense of rediscovery when you finally align your work with something that excites you. That sense of purpose is often what drives us to make the leap in the first place. Yes, the path ahead might be rocky, but knowing you’re doing something you care about makes all the difference.
In my case, to be really honest, it’s not exactly a step into something I’m passionate about, so much as a stepping stone into things I want to do. I need to learn and grow in one area to be successful in another. And that’s fine too – just keep your eyes on the prize.
The Power of Learning Again
One of the best things about starting a new career is that it reintroduces the joy of learning. Remember when you were younger, and everything was new and exciting? A career pivot brings that feeling back. Whether you’re retraining, going back to school, or simply learning on the job, there’s an energy that comes with expanding your knowledge base. You’re stretching yourself and growing in ways you might not have done in years.
A Second Act with Intention
In your 20s, career choices are often driven by necessity or societal expectations. By the time you reach your late 30s or 40s, you have a better understanding of who you are and what you want from life. You’ve had time to reflect, and now you’re making a decision based on your priorities and your dreams, rather than external pressures. There’s a real sense of empowerment that comes with taking control of your career and shaping it into something meaningful.
Lessons I’d Give to Someone Standing Where I Was
It’s Okay Not to Have It All Figured Out
One of the biggest mistakes I made early on was thinking I needed to have a clear plan for my new career before I even started. In reality, most people pivot gradually. Be open to new opportunities and let your path unfold organically. You’ll find clarity along the way.
And it is prudent to recognize that the world of work is changing rapidly. You literally can’t have it all figured out, because career paths in 5 years may not even exist yet.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
Whether it’s seeking out a mentor, joining industry groups, or simply asking for advice from friends and colleagues, don’t go it alone. You don’t have to have all the answers. Reach out to people who’ve made similar transitions and learn from their experiences.
Build a Support Network
Career pivots can be lonely, especially if those around you don’t fully understand your decision. Surround yourself with people who encourage your growth, and don’t be afraid to distance yourself from negativity. You need a cheerleading squad for this journey!
I don’t mean gather yourself an army of sycophants – just keep close those people that support and encourage you and know what you are capable of.
Be Prepared for Ups and Downs
Not every day will be a victory, and that’s okay. There will be setbacks, days when you question your decision, and moments where you feel like giving up. But those moments will pass. Remember why you started, and trust that you’re on the right path.
And keep a bottle of wine chilled in the fridge always. Some days will need it.
Celebrate Your Wins, No Matter How Small
Changing careers is a brave thing to do, and every step forward is worth celebrating. Whether it’s landing an interview, finishing a course, or even just making a valuable connection, acknowledge your progress. Small wins lead to big success.
Celebrate YOUR wins. What might not feel like a victory to someone else, might to you. Be bloody proud of taking the path less travelled.
So, if you’re standing at the crossroads of your career and contemplating a pivot, I would say: weigh up the options. Write a pro’s and con’s list. Contemplate the worst case scenario. Then think about the best case scenario. If you can live with the worst case situation, and you feel excited by the best case… then go for it. It won’t be easy, but it could be truly worth it. The challenges will test you, but the rewards — both personally and professionally — could be immeasurable. We get one life. It’s never too late to chase your dreams.
(Unless your dreams are being an olympic gymnast… because to be honest, that one might be pushing your luck.)
Bon chance!
Sugar and spice, and all things… neurodiverse.
(AKA Parenting a neuro spicy child as a neuro spicy mum)
Parenting is often described as the hardest job in the world, but parenting a neuro-spicy child (i.e. a child with neurodivergent traits such as ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or sensory processing issues) is a slighltly different adventure again. It can be beautiful, but it is most definitely messy, exhausting, frustrating… and it can also hit your own triggers and really draw a spotlight on the ND traits you have yourself.
When we talk about neurodivergent children — or, my preferred term “neuro-spicy.” Divergent implies there is a correct path, and one that veers off. I think it’s more like a spice cupboard. Some people are chilli, some are vanilla, some are salt —it’s important to remember that every child is unique. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, and the challenges change regularly – but here is a mini glimpse into some of the interesting challenges we have noticed navigating the world with a neuro-spicy child, and identifying the traits in ourselves along the way.
1. The Daily Struggle of Routine (or Lack Thereof)
Every parenting guide will tell you how vital routine is for children. They need structure, predictability, and consistent boundaries to thrive. Now, try explaining that to a neuro-spicy child whose brain thrives on unpredictability. Routine is both a blessing and a curse for us. On the one hand, having some routine is crucial for helping our child feel grounded. On the other, we have to have flexibility for new ideas or a sensory processing challenge that can cause anxiety. Disruption can also lead to so much excitement that things can descend into tricky moments. Add in a partner who likes to live more spontaneously, and routine can be a hard one to maintain.
We’re working on it.
2. The Social Minefield
One of the hardest things to navigate as a parent of a neurodivergent child is the social landscape. Neuro-spicy children often struggle with social cues – and while our daughter is confident and able to make friends, she can be so ‘extra’ that not all kids are comfortable with it. She has no spatial boundaries, so will pick up children she has just met without permission, or get very close to them.
In reality, my own discomfort really doesn’t help. In public spaces and around new parents and children, when your child is behaving in ways that aren’t typical, it’s difficult to feel calm and comfortable. And bringing that energy to the situation can make things worse.
3. The Overwhelm of Sensory Overload
Neuro-spicy children often have a heightened sensitivity to their surroundings. This might mean they are acutely aware of noises, textures, smells, or lights that others don’t even notice. What feels like a gentle breeze to you might feel like a hurricane to them. A seemingly simple task, like putting on socks, can turn into an ordeal because the texture doesn’t “feel right.” Our child prefers to be naked and hates socks and shoes. Putting on trainers can be a battle on rainy days, because they feel claustrophobic to her.
The interesting thing has been identifying my own sensory overload as a mother through this journey. I struggle with competing noise and it makes me very anxious. I never noticed it until I was in my own little family, but if two people are talking at once, my brain feels fizzy.
4. The Emotional Rollercoaster
One of the most surprising aspects of parenting a neuro-spicy child is the emotional intensity. Many neurodivergent children experience emotions on a scale that is difficult for them to regulate. What starts as a small frustration can quickly spiral into full-blown tears or anger. And while neurotypical children can often be soothed with a hug or distraction, neuro-spicy children may need more time to process their emotions.
The emotional rollercoaster also extends to us, the parents. Watching your child struggle in ways that aren’t always visible to others can be heartbreaking. And to be brutally honest, can also be really frustrating and tiring. It’s really important not to take it personally, and try not to let their emotions drain your own energy.
5. The Hidden Strengths
Amidst the challenges, however, there is a deep well of joy and pride that comes from parenting a child whose brain processes the world differently. Their creativity, imagination, and problem-solving skills are off the charts. My child may struggle with some things that come easily to others, but when they shine, they really shine.
It’s in those moments when they light up with passion for something that fascinates them, or when they come out with an observation that’s beyond their years, that you realise just how incredible their minds are. Neuro-spicy children may not always fit into the world’s mould, but that’s what makes them special.
6. Finding Support and Community
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that you can’t do this alone. Finding a community of other parents who understand the neuro-spicy journey is invaluable. Whether it’s through online support groups, local meet-ups, or even just chatting with other parents in similar situations, having people who “get it” can make all the difference.
Parenting a neuro-spicy child is not easy, but it is filled with moments of incredible growth, learning, and love. It’s about embracing the beautiful chaos and understanding that while the journey may be different, it’s no less valuable.
We are the dreamers of the dreams... and the to-do-ers of the to-do list.
From the moment I could hold a pen, I was in love with lists. Lists for school projects, lists for birthday presents, lists of all the lists I needed to make. There was something deeply satisfying about ticking off each task with a brightly coloured highlighter; that neon glow signalling that I was in control.
I carried this love for order into adulthood. I worked in jobs where organisation and lists were part of my success criteria – and I did very well at it.
But when a tiny human entered the scene, my carefully curated structure was obliterated. Suddenly, I found myself questioning everything. I realised three things.
What I thought was a gift and penchant for being organized, was actually just a ‘need’ to feel I was in control of situations. It was a mask for my anxiety.
If you removed the exoskeleton of external structure (a work schedule, fixed training sessions etc.) I actually really struggled with creating my OWN schedule.
Without long periods of uninterrupted time to plan out activities, I found it very hard to use my time as productively.
The Neuro-Spicy Twist
It was around this time that I began to notice some things about myself that went beyond just “feeling frazzled.” I’ve since come to understand that what I once thought of as being ‘super organised’ was actually a very effective way of masking my neurodiverse traits.
Although not officially diagnosed, I am very aware that I have neuro-spicy tendencies… talk about loving a list? I can tick off most symptoms and signs that indicate ND with a flourish.
For years, I had unknowingly created an entire system of organisation that helped me function at a high level, but only under fairly strict of conditions. The controlled environment I’d built for myself had allowed me to feel on top of things. I wasn’t just achieving; I was thriving. But, and here’s the kicker, this was all under the illusion of control.
When you have a child, and especially when you work from home, control becomes a distant memory. Children are messy. They are more chaos than calm. And they have a knack for unravelling the best-laid plans.
I think I am perhaps less naturally organised than I thought. But I am high functioning, and was very good at maintaining an environment where I could mask my neuro-spicy tendencies – even to myself. Take that environment away (as children do!), and suddenly, things that had been easy were hard. Very hard.
Finding a New Normal in the Chaos
So, what do you do when your old systems no longer work, and you can’t exactly put your child on a timer and tell them to stop existing between the hours of 9 and 5? The answer, I’ve found – and to be clear, it’s taken a LONG time, and I’m still working on it – is to embrace the chaos a bit, while still clinging to some semblance of structure where possible.
Here are a few things that have helped me stay organised, even when life feels like a whirlwind of snack requests and Zoom calls:
1. The 3-Task Rule
Instead of overwhelming myself with a never-ending list of things to do, I now focus on three main tasks each day. I have to get through these and then everything else is a bonus. By limiting my absolute daily goals, I’m less likely to spiral into feeling like I’ve failed before I’ve even begun. I almost always do well beyond three tasks, but if I get those done, I’ve succeeded. I also make sure I ‘eat the frog’ with at least one of these tasks, choosing something I don’t like and getting it over and done with.
2. Flexible Lists
I still love a good list, but I’ve learned to make them flexible. Rather than being strict about when something gets done, I now use broad categories like ‘Must Do This Week.’ This way, I have a bit of structure but without the weariness or guilt if something has to be carried over to the next day (or the next).
3. Habit Stacking
I’ve found that pairing tasks together helps me stay on track without feeling like I’m juggling too much. For example, I’ll listen to a podcast while doing the washing up, or I’ll stretch while waiting for the kettle to boil. Small wins, but they help keep things ticking over without it feeling like extra work. (Read or listen to Atomic Habits for some good insights.)
4. Digital Planners and Timers OR Paper Ones
In the past, my paper planner was my lifeline, and then I shifted to rely more on digital reminders. Now I use both. I have ClickUp for work tasks, and rely on my Google Calendar, but I also write down my daily to do list. There is something about actually writing it down that helps me. But I can no longer pretend I can hold everything in my head. If I don’t write it down (or set an alarm for it), it is a lot less likely to happen. Thankfully there is a lot of help out there to help.
5. Be Kind to Yourself
The most important lesson I’ve learned is to stop being so hard on myself. The fact that I’m juggling work, life, and parenting is an achievement in itself. I might not be ticking off every item on my to-do list, but I’m making progress. The other part of being kind to yourself is to make time in the schedule for things that nourish my body and mind. They make me work better, and keep my energy levels more balanced. Getting things on the list done is great, but keeping your body and mind healthy should be at the top of every daily to-do list.
Realistically I may never go back to the ‘ultra-organised’, highlighter-happy version of myself, but I’m slowly finding a new balance. And in reality, that version of myself relied on outside parameters for success. This one is creating her own success and her own rhythms.
Multi-tasking Working Mum
Once upon a time, for a fleeting moment, I actually felt I had it all together. I was organized, fitter than I’d ever been, in a loving relationship, in a job I enjoyed that paid well, and driving a purple convertible. True story.
Fast forward six-ish years, throw a small human (and a global pandemic) into the mix, and suddenly my life feels decidedly less polished.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my child and there are a lot of good things in my life. But motherhood isn’t all rainbows and finger paintings. It’s hard, exhausting, emotional work – much, much harder than working a corporate job. I’ve gone from feeling like Wonder Woman in heels (on a good day at least) to a rabbit in the headlights some days. And I cannot remember the last time I wore heels.
It’s easy to lose yourself in motherhood. You can’t really prepare for your new identity as a mother – not really. You know there’ll be a shitload more responsibility with less free time. You’re told that you’ll be in love with your baby and never know a feeling like it. But until you experience it yourself, no explanation of how it impacts your sense of self, your ego, your identity, is sufficient.
I felt lost; more than that, I couldn’t really remember who I was before, but I knew that I mourned her. If people asked me what I liked or what my hobbies were, I genuinely couldn’t answer them. I had no idea.
I don’t exactly feel like that now; I have accepted that I am forever transformed from the person I was before motherhood. But I also know that it is time to reconnect with the parts of me that are still there and would like to come out of hibernation.
Inside I know here’s a version of me who likes to read books, go for a run, and do yoga. The tricky part is remembering her through the tired cloud; and more importantly, finding the time to be her.
Now my child is five, I have finally been able to find some headspace for clarity, and am beginning to do things that feel like they are me – Rebecca – and not just me, mum.
So here are five things I wish I’d done more of to get to this point sooner.
1. Schedule ‘You Time’ – it really is important.
In the past if someone said “Schedule time for yourself,” I would smile politely (albeit my game face isn’t great) whilst internally thinking ‘lucky for some. Who has time to spare?’ But in reality, this has been really important, and manageable. You can find time if you really want to, I promise. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate spa day (though I wouldn’t say no to that) it just has to be intentional. Honoring you and putting yourself first.
You can aim for something simple – drinking coffee alone, taking a quick walk around your neighbourhood alone. Key word though: alone. Let that be the time to reconnect with yourself, even if it’s just to scroll Instagram in peace.
2. Lower Your Standards—And Then Lower Them Some More.
Let go of the idea that you have to do everything and be everything to everyone… and try to care less what (you think) people think. If a frozen pizza in the oven is the best you can do for dinner, and wearing clothes that don’t really fit anymore because you’ve not had time to do the laundry, is all you have, then just roll with it. Sometimes it’s just about preserving your sanity… after all, tomorrow is another day. I’ve been trying to tap into an identity of a ‘successful, calm woman who knows how to relax, and accepts that some days don’t work out as you planned, and that’s cool’.. What would that woman do? It’s actually quite effective. If you want to be that woman, then become her.
3. Conversely, Dress Like You Mean It (Even If It’s Once a Week).
Working from home has definitely meant I am more of a ‘comfort wear’ kind of person these days. I can go entire days without seeing anyone, and that has meant a significant lowering of my standards. But here’s the thing – when I do take the time to put on a real outfit, some makeup, and maybe even shoes with a heel, I feel like a completely different person. There’s something about looking like a semi-put-together human that reminds me, “Oh hey, I am still that professional woman who knows what she’s doing!” Do it for you, not anyone else though.
4. Find Joy in the Small Things (Even if It’s Just Chocolate).
When you are in the middle of juggling, well, everything, it’s hard to feel like you have any vibrancy in your existence.
I know there’s been a backlash to ‘treat culture’ but you know what? I am HERE for it. Whatever brings you joy, indulge in it—guilt-free. Little moments of happiness can be enough to remind you that life isn’t all chaos. There’s still room for you in the cracks of the madness.
(I say this with a caveat – if you have habits that are not good for your long term wellbeing, or will get in the way of your goals, then try to choose other things that will give you a glimmer. It might be a beautiful scented candle, rather than a whole bar of chocolate, for example. But, if you really want the chocolate – then just enjoy it, take a deep breath, shake it off and get back in the saddle.)
5. Get Moving — Your body and brain will thank you for it.
I used to run a lot. I did 10k and half marathon races; bootcamp 3 or 4 times a week, swimming, yoga… but since having my daughter, and for a number of reasons, my activity has decreased and decreased.
I had postnatal depression, and I ended up not knowing how to do anything beyond just what was in front of me. Surviving, working, chores, eating. Anything beyond that was just too hard.
Now I have better chemical balance thankfully.
I also know that it makes me feel better when I’m moving. But I have found it very hard to accept that I am so behind where I used to be. Sometimes it’s felt easier to not even try, because I know I can’t get back to the levels of fitness I had.
But I’ve been trying to sneak movement into my day again, and it’s helping me feel more like myself. Sometimes it’s as simple as stretching while I wait for the kettle to boil, or running up the stairs instead of walking. Anything that gets me moving reminds me that my body is still mine. And it’s pushing me forwards to be brave and push myself further. So watch this space; maybe I’ve got another 10k run in me yet.
So, there you have it—five little ways I’ve been trying to hold onto myself in the whirlwind of being a working mum. I have accepted that this is a new era of me; a slightly more chaotic version. And I’m embracing this next phase.
